


The List

by BrainlessGenius



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Conflict Resolution, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders is Bad at Feelings, Logic | Logan Sanders is a Mess, Platonic Relationships, Self-Worth Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:08:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25183030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrainlessGenius/pseuds/BrainlessGenius
Summary: When Virgil goes looking for Logan in his room one night, he stumbles upon the many, many things posted on his walls. Just before he leaves, he sees one more list by the door.It wasn't what he expected at all.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil & Creativity | Roman & Logic | Logan & Morality | Patton, Familial LAMP, Platonic LAMP
Comments: 25
Kudos: 224





	1. Chapter 1

“Virge! Ro! Lo! Time for dinner!”

Patton counted exactly three seconds in his head before the sound of 2 doors simultaneously being opened was heard; followed by the familiar sound of running. He had barely set down the tray of meatloaf when Virgil already seated himself with Roman seating across him.

Yup, he sure did love dinner time.

“Thank goodness, I’m _starving._ ” Virgil was about to get himself a serving of meatloaf when someone swatted his hand away.

“Hey!”

“Virgil, we have to wait for Logan.”

Only then did Virgil and Roman notice the empty seat.

“Well, can someone call him already? The meatloaf’s growing cold!” Roman whined as he propped his chin on his elbow and eyed the dinner. Virgil had to stifle a snicker at the prince’s hungry stare at the food in front of them.

“Virgil, why don’t you call him? He must’ve been too busy again to notice the time.”

“Can we just leave him some meatloaf? He always misses dinner anyway.”

“And that is exactly why we’re going to wait for him tonight Roman.”

“Ugh, fiiiiine. Virgil make it quick.”

With a small sigh, Virgil walked back into the hallway, passing through each of their rooms, then finally stopping at a navy blue door. He knocked three times; it was their signature knock. The other two’s knocks were always excited and excessive.

“Logan.”

Nothing.

“Logic.”

Nothing.

“Hey nerd, it’s time for dinner.”

He waited a few more seconds this time. Still nothing.

“Dude come on. We’re all hungry. I’m sure whatever that is can wait.”

Again, silence. The anxious trait couldn’t help but let out an exhausted huff.

“Fine, I’m coming in.” He knew it was wrong to enter without permission but he was really starting worry as well.

He turned the doorknob, surprised that it wasn’t locked, then pushed the door open.

The first thing he noticed was that the logical side was nowhere to be found. He felt his panic rise a bit at the absence of said trait. The next thing he noticed was how organized and tidy the room was. Before he knew it, he had fully entered the room and was inspecting every table, chart, and schedule posted on Logan’s wall. He still can’t grasp how he managed to keep it so orderly with all these papers stuck in the room.

In one section was Thomas’ schedule. Virgil can’t say he wasn’t impressed when he saw that the spaces alotted for all three weeks from now were already filled in. He had even started filling in the fourth week.

Just beside that was a list of important dates that Thomas should remember; and it was filled with dates until _the next two years._

He continued looking through a chart of what Thomas should eat, a list of video suggestions (he should really tell Roman about some of those), a to do list and a bunch of other papers.

He was about to leave and try to find Logan in other rooms when he noticed one more list near the door. Virgil scanned it and couldn’t help but wonder what the heck it was for. He started reading through each item on the list.

**_1\. Talkative_ **

_Solution: Lessen amount of words and only speak when necessary. Failure to execute solution may lead to an increase of being associated to item #2._

**_2\. Boring_ **

_Solution: Avoid giving facts that are not of others’ interests and excessive blabbering about topics the others might deem ‘boring". Try looking for trivias that they will find entertaining. Preferably about bands, puppies, and theater._

Virgil’s eyes widened when he realized it was referring to them. He also felt a part of him crack as he let the implications of this list sink in. He kept reading.

_**3\. Killjoy** _

_Solution: From time to time join in the others’ activities and try not to ruin it for them. If it seems like they are not enjoying due to your presence, make an excuse and leave. This way they can continue their fun._

‘Is this why he doesn’t show up at movie nights?’ Virgil’s chest started to ache as he read the rest of the paper.

_**4\. Least favorite** _

_Solution: Use vocab words more often (and appropriately) to gain attention of the viewers. This is not a guaranteed solution to create a respectable image but it may help to at least change the audience’s view on you. This may also catch the others’ attention which can lead to them listening to any future input. With luck, they might even consider it._

Virgil eyes started to leak when he read that one. He knew he was the who said it. He didn’t know Logan took it heavily.

**_5\. Robot/Emotionless_ **

_Solution: Sadly, although you have feelings, emotions must remain supressed as to not affect any decisions or own logical mindset in any way. Set a reminder to explain this to the others someday._

Virgil’s tears couldn’t be held back anymore at this point but it was the last item that really left a hole in his chest.

**_6\. Useless/Insignificant_ **

_Solution: It has long been established that the others can take over your duty and do it just as efficiently as you do. Thomas will be able to function normally without you. Given this, still make an effort to contribute in any way. Work harder to compensate for lack of importance. It is the least you can do._

He didn’t know that Logan felt this way. He felt so… horrible. His friend was hurting and no one saw it. The worst thing about it was how Logan treated it like those were facts; flaws that he must change. He took all of those as if it was his own fault.

He had to let the others know about this.

He wiped his eyes dry as much as he could and headed for the door but stopped in his tracks when he was blocked by a certain logical side.

“Virgil? Is something the matter?”


	2. Chapter 2

“Virgil? Is something the matter?”

Logan must’ve noticed the redness of the anxious side’s eyes as his expression immediately warped into that of worry.

“Um… hi, Logan.” It would be an understatement to say that Virgil’s heart was beating out of his chest from pure nervousness at this moment.

“Did you require my assistance?” Logan’s monotone voice did nothing to mask the evident concern in his words.

Virgil wanted to say a lot of things at that instance.

_We didn’t know_

_We didn’t mean to_

_You’re none of those things_

_It’s not your fault_

_We care_

_**We’re sorry** _

But he couldn’t bring himself to say it. It was probably a bad idea that the literal embodiment of anxiety had to be the first one to discover that list.

“Um… I was just actually… looking for you. It’s dinner time.”

“Oh, I apologize. I must have lost track of time in the library.” A tiny smile begun to grow on the smart facet’s face as he remembered all that he had read.

“There were some interesting astronomy books there that I have only seen just now. I have read some fascinating thi-”

Virgil was expecting Logan to go on an excited ramble about space and stars but was surprised when the glint in the logical side’s eyes died down and the tiny hint of a smile that had begun to creep on his face slowly formed a thin, neutral line.

“Apologies, we really must get going. I imagine the three of you must be famished by now.” With that, the two of them walked back into the dining area in silence.

To be honest, Virgil was really looking forward to Logan’s rant about astronomy. He even wanted to ask about it but his mind wouldn’t stop thinking about that damn list.

He was snapped out of his thoughts by a rather loud shout from Roman.

“Finally! What took both of you so long?”

Logan took a seat across from Patton while Roman finally got some food on his plate.

“I’m sorry. The library distracted me for quite some time.”

“Aww, look at us! We’re all complete! I wish you could join us for dinner more often Logan.”

“Yes Patton, I will try.”

The rest of dinner went by with Roman telling a story about dragons and witches and Patton eagerly talking about a puppy he saw a while ago.

It was a pretty normal dinner; except that for the first time in so long, Virgil noticed some things.

There used to be a time when in addition to Roman’s latest adventure and Patton’s adorable rant on puppies, you could also hear Logan passionately talking about his latest discovery.

Now, as Virgil glanced at the seat beside him, Logan just sat there quietly eating his food. Not a single word came out of him.

Virgil wanted so much to talk to him, tell him everything, to apologize; but before he could even say a word the logical side stood up, thanked Patton for the meal, washed his dishes, and headed back into his room.

The others continued their banter; oblivious to the guilt eating at Virgil’s heart and the lies embedded in Logan’s mind.

A few more minutes of nervous contemplation later and Virgil decided he wasn’t going to let his friend go on silently thinking that way about himself.

“Uhm… guys…”

Patton and Roman stopped their banter and turned to look at him.

“I need to tell you something…”

“What is it kiddo?”

“… It’s about Logan…”

“What about him?” Roman was now looking at him with questioning eyes.

“Well…”

So Virgil told them everything. He told them about the list and enumerated _every item_ on it.

Every item Virgil told them was an added weight to the parent’s and the royal’s heart. Every word he spoke caused their eyes to sting and their minds to look back on everything they ever said or did to Logan.

“I… I never realized-”

“I know Pat. Me too.”

The moral side had tears flowing down his face as he uttered a stream of apologies. Roman was at his side, trying to comfort the other; eyes red and lip trembling.

“He… he never said anything.”

“But we should have seen it Roman! We should’ve known! Heck, we never should’ve even said those things in the first place!”

“But the thing is Virgil, we already did; we are all at fault here and we can’t change that.”

There was a moment of silence as they all sat there with heavy hearts until Roman spoke up.

“You’re right Pat. We can’t change that, but we can do something about it… and I think I have an idea on how to do just that.”

Patton and Virgil looked at the prince and listened to what he had in mind.

They know now what they have done; and now they want nothing more to fix it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr @nerdy-emo-royal-dad. Stay safe!!


	3. Chapter 3

Logan woke up at exactly 6:30 am that morning.

He put on his glasses, let his eyes adjust a bit, did some stretches, and changed into his usual attire. He fixed himself up a bit to look somehow presentable.

After making sure he was decent, he did his daily rounds of checking his walls; and by his walls he meant the various things posted on it.

He finally finished filling up the fourth week of Thomas’ schedule. He read over his list of important dates to see if today was one (thankfully it wasn’t), and he looked over his food chart and made plans to try and convince Patton and Thomas to cook something with vegetables for once.

He checked his to do list and was reminded of the meeting they’d be having later to discuss the next video. Maybe he can finally tell them about some ideas he thought of. Hopefully they’ll be taken into consideration this time.

He read through every chart, list, and table in the room until he’d walked past every corner.

He checked the time and saw that it was almost seven. Patton would be awake any time now to make breakfast. In fact, Virgil’s and Roman’s voices could already be heard down the hall having another of their silly little arguments.

They were unusually early, Logan thought.

As he readied himself to meet the others in the commons, he was met with one last list by the door.

_That_ list. Logan didn’t really have a label for this particular one. He made this list a few months ago to… well… mend his mistakes; to fix his wrong and make himself a better facet. It was designed as a strategy to remind himself of his imperfections so that he may find a solution to somehow improve himself.

Everyday he follows that list in hopes of gaining something even he isn’t sure what. Improvement? Favor? Acceptance maybe? Thomas’ betterment? Perhaps even the others’ happiness?

He doesn’t know.

What he does know is that despite of all the months of learning vocab words, keeping quiet, suppressing emotion, working hard, controlling his excitement over learning, and distancing himself so the others can be happy, _nothing has changed_.

He’s still the same boring, buzz killing, emotionless, unfavorable, and useless logical side.

Well, come to think of it, he may have actually successfully did something about his annoying talkativeness.

He feels a strange twinge in his chest but skillfully wills it away as he readies himself to read every item on that list again.

He takes a deep breath and casts his eyes on the 1st item but does a double take when he notices something different.

__

_**1\. Smart** _

_Your immense knowledge and intelligence is truly something admirable. You are the best opponent in a debate and you always have the solution to any problem or dilemma. Your mind has gotten us out of tricky situations countless of times and we can not be more thankful for that._

Now, Logan _knows_ thatis not the list he made; but as much as he wants to run to the commons right now and ask who took it, he must admit that reading that first item made him feel something… pleasant. He can’t help but continue on with the rest.

__

_**2\. Passionate** _

_You love to learn. Learning brings you enjoyment and fills your eyes with wonder, which we rarely see. With the desire to learn of course comes the desire to share what you have acquired. Do not hesitate to share your excitement with the others. Your passionate rambles about astronomy and psychology have been terribly missed (and have been scientifically proven to be found adorable)._

Logan was sure Patton wrote that last bit. He didn’t even notice when a little laugh slipped from his lips.

****

**_3\. Human_ **

_Yes, technically we are aspects of a persona, but that does not mean we do not possess some characteristics of a human being. This means that we, including you, have **emotions.** Even as the logical side it is okay to show feelings. In fact, there are some cases where emotions are necessary in a dilemma or in a problem. It’s okay to get frustrated, to be mad, and it’s okay to cry; you need to every once in a while. Of course, do not forget to smile. You do not need to hide them._

Right now, Logan was feeling something in his chest he could not understand and his eyes are stinging. He decided that he wasn’t going to push them down; just this once.

****

**_4\. Caring_ **

_You may not admit it but we all know how much you care for us. You are always looking out for Thomas, striving to bring out the best in him. We’ve seen you worry over each of us and you’ve helped us in times of need and we will forever be grateful for that. Please do not distance yourself any longer. We know you think it makes us happy but really, we miss your company terribly._

He was immensely off schedule now and somehow the sting in his eyes had turned to liquid. It only made him want to read more.

__

_**5\. Relevant** _

_You. Are. Needed. (Pardon the grammar). It’s you who keeps Thomas sane. You are his drive to learn. You provide him with his basic knowledge and you are certainly relevant in maintaining his health. None of us could ever replace you Logan. You are unique, and you are important._

Logan was feeling a mirage of emotions now that stopping it would be of no use. He finally lets a few tears slip as he reads the last item.

****

**_6\. Loved_ **

_If you would let us, we would like to show you how much you really mean to us. We apologize if we have failed to say it before and we can not forgive ourselves for not showing it enough; but please know that you are unique, you do not need to change, we care for you, and most importantly,_ ****

**_we love you._ **

He read that last line again; and again, and again, and again. He wanted to make sure this was all real; that he wasn’t dreaming.

He can’t believe it. It doesn’t make sense. Why? How? It’s illogical, nonsensical, unreal…

Real. 

He could feel the piece of paper on his fingertips and the words lay there unmoving and unchanging.

This is real. Everything was sinking in all at once. He belongs, he is needed, they care, they understand, he is loved.

He never thought he would ever be able to cry while feeling such immense happine-

“Logan?”

He faced the door where three facets stood.

For a second they all just stood there until Logan ducked his head and quickly wiped his eyes dry and-

Oh, he never knew a hug could feel this… wonderful.

As the three sides enveloped their logical counterpart in warmth and comfort, Logan let go.

He let go of all the toil and sorrow he’d been locking up in one heart-wrenching sob.

It was the first time they all saw Logan cry, and they all hoped it was the last.

“Apologies, I-”

“No, we should be the ones apologizing.”

“We’re so, so sorry .”

“You are none of those things please believe us.”

“But I’m-”

“No but’s. Forget that list you made. It’s all lies.”

“You don’t need to change.”

They said all that they needed to say until none could be said any longer.

As they all stood there a few moments after, looking at each other’s red eyes and tear-stained cheeks, they heard the most wonderful sound they ever heard --Logan’s laugh.

It was nothing more than a breathy chuckle but it was a laugh nonetheless; a laugh that coaxed their mouths to curl upwards too.

“… _I love all of you as well._ ”

Okay _, that_ was the most beautiful thing they ever heard.

They shared one more hug, then headed out the room for breakfast.

The list remained there; and like Logan did with all his other charts and reminders, he read that list everyday.

It never failed to make him smile.

**~~~**

Epilogue:

“Hey Logan?”

“Yes Patton?”

The moral side pointed from where the four of them were laying side by side outside to a group of stars in the night sky.

“What’s that constipation over there?”

A little laugh.

“You mean that _constellation_ over there?”

“Well if that’s what you call it, then yeah.”

A tiny smile.

“That’s the little dipper or the Ursa Minor.”

The smile grew.

“Did you know that that star at the tip of the Ursa Minor is the Polaris? It is also called the north star because it…”

Virgil propped himself on his elbows and looked to his right to see Logan passionately talking about the constellations with Patton beside him listening intently with wide eyes.

To his left he saw Roman; both hands above his head, wistfully looking into the dark, starry night.

All of them wore smiles on their lips.

He lay back down with a content sigh and his mouth curled upward.

It was great to have his family back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chap! Hope you're all doing okay! Every little support and kudos is eternally appreciated. Follow me on Tumblr [@nerdy-emo-royal-dad](https://nerdy-emo-royal-dad.tumblr.com/)!. Stay safe, fams! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Tumblr @nerdy-emo-royal-dad. Stay safe!


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